Toy Story

(As promised, my friend Brynne started her blog this morning. Here is the link.)

Toy Story 3 came out recently and I got to see it twice, with different people both times. When the first Toy Story movie came out in 1995, I had just turned 7 a few months before and was really struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts. I did not fit in at school, at church or at home and I felt very abnormal around people in general. My aunt took me to see this movie on a Saturday and the one and only thing I remember is how the movie made me feel. I put myself in Andy's place and all of his toy's were like my alters (although at the time I had NO idea that I had alters) and it made me feel like someone finally understood me. No one else in the movie could see the toys moving except for the other toys and Andy felt a very special connection to them. I fell in love with this movie. When Toy Story 2 came out I was ecstatic. My world was coming back again and I instantly fell in love with this movie as well.

After the second one, I figured they were done making Toy Story movies. I had completely forgotten my special connection to these movies until I heard of the making of a third movie. All of my splits were extremely excited and I couldn't figure out why. I knew I had loved the first two movies as a child but their excitement almost seemed unnecessary. Last Thursday, my grandparents, my cousin H and I all went to go see it after we had gotten off of work. As soon as the toys lit up the screen, I felt that special connection again.

But this movie connected even more so than the first two. Andy was leaving for college. He would be starting a new chapter in his life but he had these old toys lying in his toy-box that he had had since his childhood. It was like me having my splits since childhood. He didn't want to discard them, so he packed them up to be put in the attic. Of course, placing them in a trash-bag made his toys feel like he was just getting rid of them. I felt my heart ache. I would never want to do that to my splits.

I don't want to give the movie away for those of you who want to see it, but the adventures the toys go on in this movie made me think of how my splits would do anything to find their way back to me or to help me. There is a part towards the end where they are in the incinerator - all of them join hands for their final moment together. This part made me think of integration being forced on me. I literally started bawling in the theatre because it was so upsetting to me. I never want to lose my splits that way.

At the end, Andy goes to the little girl's house and he is playing with his toys like old times and everyone is so happy. He then makes the choice to leave them behind with this little girl because he no longer needs them. This part made me think of integration again, only it would be a collective choice between my splits and I. I again started to cry at this part.

This movie really spoke to me, like it always has. I don't know if any of you ever felt a similar connection to these movies, but I sure have! I hope it makes sense why I have such a strong connection...haha. I can see how this post would not make sense at all if you weren't following my thinking...

I hope you all had a good Monday! Go see Toy Story 3 :)

-Bee