I have had a rough couple of days...
I was doing pretty good this past week. I wasn't feeling too sick and work was going good. My T had to change our appointment from our usual Friday afternoons to Thursday afternoon this week so I had to take two days off of work. The session with T this week was really hard and I left feeling completely drained and emotionally unstable. T said she would call me later that evening to make sure I was doing okay.
She never called.
In the back of my mind I knew she wouldn't call. She always tells me she is going to call and she never does. Something comes up with one of her kids or she gets to busy or she gets sick or she falls asleep. Whatever the case may be, she never calls.
But this was one of those times where she really needed to call. I haven't really been out since Thursday. Because when I do come out, I have bizarre hallucinations and horrifying nightmares about being sexually abused again. These hallucinations finally stopped a few hours ago but I still have a feeling that the nightmares will still be here.
I have been so sick since Thursday night too. I've spent the majority of the weekend in bed or lying down. My family went up to our cabin in the mountains this weekend for 4th of July and I didn't even go outside the whole trip. I ended up coming home early today with my sister Bri.
My thoughts feel so scrambled so I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense at all. I just wish T would call me when she says she is going to.
I'm so sorry. This sucks. Can you ask her why she says she'll do this then doesn't? It really isnt fair. If there's one thing survivors need its consistency and reliability, especially in a therapist!
ReplyDeleteWG
I agree, ask her why she would say she'll call and then doesn't. It's not good for your T to make empty promises. Kind of tells me she'll say what ever she thinks you need to hear - not the truth. check it out. AND I'm sorry that you are experiencing nightmares. could they be memories trying to come out?
ReplyDeleteI think I tell how hard it is when she doesn't follow through and keep her word to you. That isn't right. I'm sorry you are having a hard time.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that she didn't call when you needed her, and worse, when she said she would. I can't imagine how that made you feel.
ReplyDelete(((BEE)))
I know she means well but I know how much you depend on her, even if you don't admit it. She needs to know how badly it affects you when she says she will call and then she doesn't. I hope you start feeling better... *hugs*
ReplyDeleteThat is so sad!!
ReplyDeleteLothlorien
I agree with what others have posted. You need to address this with her. i encourage each of you to share how this makes you feel...
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. I would feel hurt, too. It is not very good for trust for her to say she will do something and then not do it.
ReplyDeleteIf it was me, I would tell her. Probably I would write it out because that is easier for me. I would tell her it hurts me when she says she will call and does not. I would tell her that I understand things come up, but you need a different way of doing things because this is not working for you. Maybe you could call her? Maybe you could set a time to call her on those nights when you need to hear? Or maybe you could email her and she could write you back?
I hope you feel better.
im sure i posted a comment, but it went woosh and it was gone.
ReplyDeleteI think you should talk to her before it escalates and becomes a therapy problem
Wow, so many responses! Thank you so much guys!
ReplyDeleteWG,
I plan to ask her in our session on Friday...wish me luck!
Ivory,
I have always had nightmares but I think these more recent ones are repressed memories coming up... I hate it but I'm writing them all down for my T to look over.
Sunshine,
Thanks :)
Grace,
Thank you :)
Bry,
Thanks friend :)
Lothlorien,
Yes..yes it is...
Exhale,
Thanks. Hopefully I can do it without making it a big deal.
Shen,
Thank you for the suggestions. Writing is a whole lot easier for me to do. I usually email her at least once a week but that doesn't always do it for me... Sometimes I just really need that call, you know?
PC,
I hate when that happens! And thanks :)
-Bee
Good luck. Be honest. Be brave. You seem to have a knack for getting your point across, so I'll bet she will understand how you feel.
ReplyDeleteLisa
Lisa,
ReplyDeleteThank you! Your comments have made me feel so much more confident about this :)
-Bee