Monday, October 15, 2012

Boundaries. Why Have Them If You Won't Respect Them?

I want to welcome all of my new followers and readers! Thank you for your comments and emails over the past few weeks. You guys are amazing and your support has been incredible.

I'm doing better since my last post about two weeks ago. My doctors have been working with me a lot these last few weeks to get my pain levels to go down. I feel more like a zombie right now. I'd rather not feel this way but I know it won't be like this forever so I sleep while I can and chart the progress for the doctors. The complications from the surgery are starting to sort themselves out.

Now for the things I really want to talk about...

I have one sister who got married last November and I have a second sister who is getting married within the next few weeks. Her bridal shower was this past weekend - this automatically brings up the red flags in my world.

The big question "what do I do about the family members who will be attending the bridal shower that I have personally chosen not to be around anymore?"

My T and I talked about it, discussed several scenarios, and came to a few conclusions. My options: (1) I choose not to attend the bridal shower, (2) I somehow get my sister to un-invite those certain family members, or (3) I attend half, those certain family members attend the other half.

I talked to my sister about it, and she really wanted me to be there. She also wanted those other family members to be there. So option 3 it was...

My T spoke to my mom about it, told my mom that I would choose which half to attend, and then my mom would call these family members and tell them to attend the other half.

I decided on the last half of the bridal shower so I could see the gifts my sister got, most of the family members I liked, and most of the people she invited. My mom agreed and called the family members to tell them they would be attending the other half.

The day of the bridal shower comes. I confirm the times with my mom. I get ready and drive all the way over there, only to find that their cars are parked right outside. I called one of my other sisters and asked "Why are ______ family members still at the shower??" I was very confused and panicked because they were supposed to be gone by this time. My sister handed the phone to my mom. My mom said she had tried getting them out the door, but one family member was being very rude about it. She would try again and call me back.

I waited in my car, watching for any signs of this family member leaving. Instead, two of my sisters come out the front door and towards my car. "Family Member doesn't want to leave because they didn't 'agree' to leave. They said they came to the shower and are going to stay for the entire thing and there is nothing mom can do about it."

I was PISSED. ANGRY. UPSET. FRUSTRATED. And about ready to burst into tears. Why can't this family member leave me the &#%$ alone!!!

A couple more people from the shower came out and joined us in my car so I wouldn't be alone, which was very nice of them... but at the same time I was missing my sister's bridal shower because of this Family Member and no one was fighting for me. Yes, I had a whole party going on in my car, but none of the people in my car had even tried to get this Family Member to leave.

The rest of the weekend and today I am still feeling very angry, upset, hurt, frustrated, pissed off, aggravated, hatred, annoyed, and just fuming and boiling because I'm so mad. I have worked so hard to set up boundaries and to teach my family how to set up boundaries, but my family continues to let people walk all over these boundaries...

I think this Family Member shouldn't be allowed to come to the next big event, like the family dinner or wedding rehearsal dinner. Family Member made me miss something important so now Family Member loses their privilege of coming to the next event.

Writing this post has made me even more upset...



  1. I'm so sorry this happened, Bee. I'm frustrated and irritated with your family for you. Sending peace. ~Kali

  2. I'm so sorry that happened. I would have not let it happen if I was your family member >:(