Sunday, February 6, 2011

I Wish....

I wish the people who are supposed to be helping me would listen to me.

I was diagnosed 5 years ago with DID. Ever since that time, I have spent the majority of my life trying to piece together the puzzle of my splintered, fractured existence. I've researched, read, studied, documented, and experienced everything I could to help me to understand myself, my mind, and my whole life.

I know what works for me and what doesn't.
I know how much I can handle.
I know when I need to do something or stop something.
I know who in my life is safe to be around and who is not.
I know where to go when I'm having a hard time.
I know why some things are triggering and how to keep myself from freaking out.

But because I am not a doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist, or brain expert, I am dismissed. I am pushed aside.

Trying pain medication after pain medication, and having horrible side effects because of their nature to focus on "fixing" the brain, I am left to endure the horrors of my past over and over again.

If only the people who were trying to help me would listen to me. We wouldn't have to go through this hell and the doctors would feel safer prescribing me things.

I just want someone to listen....for once.



  1. Keep advocating for yourself! I really understand this post and feel like at least one, if not a handful of psychiatrists have traumatized me with medication! Keep trying, and keep telling them, and don't give up! I have struggled for 10 years now, and at last I have in my records some very important information regarding medicine, and that information has made my recent hospitalizations easier and more beneficial and shorter in duration. Keep advocating for yourself!!!!!

  2. Sarah is right. You have to keep speaking up. It has taken me many years to convince my Dr. she cannot give me a "normal" dosage of anything. I've discovered that less dosage works AND with less side effects. I'm not suggesting you self-dose, but do what you can to convince your Drs that they need to listen.

  3. I agree with the others, keep telling the doctors what you know.

    It can be very disheartening not to be listened too. Sorry they are not listening, I hope they pay attention soon and you find some meds that help.

    Dont lose faith in yourself - you know your system and body better than anyone.

    Take gentle care of yourself

  4. You deserve to be be be respected. I hope you can find a doc who will do those things for you.

  5. Gentle hugs! And like Sarah said, keep advocating for yourself. Never stop! So sorry folks aren't listening to you, Bee.