Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Red Lines

I don't know where I am today. I haven't dissociated this bad in long time. By the way, half of those words had that cool little red squiggly line under them because I can't even manage to spell. And some more red lines. Hopefully I picked the right words.

Not seeing my T is real bad...she helps me stay grounded. 6 1/2 weeks with not seeing her has not been good. More red lines as I write. I hope this makes sense.

I tried to drive home from work today - it usually takes me about 10 minutes. Well...today it took me over an hour because I kept getting lost. I couldn't remember where my house was. By the time I got home I felt very awkward in my body and I kept falling over and tripping as I walked through my house. My dad asked me if I was drunk.

I've never had the experience of being drunk, but I imagine it feels a little like this.

I tried all the grounding things that usually work at least a little for me but nothing really stuck. I hope I can function tomorrow.

Nothing is processing. I hope this makes sense.

If not, I may delete it in the future.

Lots and lots of red lines I must fix...


  1. It makes a lot of sense. I used to get lost driving home - all country roads. Finally, I would park and call T. Gawd, that hasn't happened for a long time! Anyway, can you call her service or cell phone just to listen to her voice? I also have done that - with T's blessing. Hang in there!

  2. I am so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I can understand it, though. I can't imagine being without the grounding force of therapy for 6 1/2 weeks. Also, you didn't mention this, but the end of the school year is coming, and I recall that being a VERY busy time of year--especially my first year. Also after my first year of teaching I wondered what I would do with myself for three months! I looked forward to the break, but wondered what would I do, and I felt I would miss my students. When does your T get back? I hope that things get better for you soon. Sending gentle hugs.