I don't have words, just a whole bunch of feelings. I'm warning you now, don't read on if you're easily triggered today. It's triggering me just thinking about what things I could write about today...
It feels like I'm constricted and suffocating. Sinking and drowning. Trapped. Anxious.
There's too much going through my head. Memories of abuse, torture, sexual monstrosities, murder. How did my fragile little self even survive this horror?
I am finally seeing whole faces of the main people involved, and I've been throwing up ever since. People I knew, and at one time possibly loved, people who were supposed to protect me, love me, nurture me. Now I see them as evil. Now I am afraid to be living in this house.
I so badly need my T right now. I need her support in this because I'm falling apart and I'm so so scared. I don't understand these things and I desperately need her guidance on finding the truth. Did these things really happen? because I don't believe I could ever make up something this bad.
All I can hear is their voices, their threats, their chants, their authority. My silent prayers, silent whispers, silent pleadings, silent pain.
I don't understand why people are involved in such horrible things.