Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Can You Hear Me?

This is how the conversation with my mom went today...

(*We were discussing what to do about our little family trip this weekend for Thanksgiving. One of my abusers was invited by my parents to come with us for the three days.)

Me: I can't be around [abuser] anymore. It really stresses me out and it's very triggering.
Mom: We can't just tell her no. She is family. We're her only family left.
Me: Then I can't go with you guys.
Mom: You need to forgive [abuser] and come with us.
Me: I have forgiven [abuser]. But just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you should be around them.
Mom: You can be around [abuser] for three days.
Me: No, mom, I can't.
Mom: It's not always about you, Bee. Think of how [abuser] would feel all alone on Thanksgiving.
Me: Mom, I know you mean well but I can NOT go if [abuser] will be there. End of story.
Mom: You need to think of other people, not yourself. 

And that's how it ended.

The abuser who was over at our house for dinner last week on Sunday was also over for dinner on Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and today (Tuesday). Why the H*LL is she over ALL THE TIME now?!?!

I honestly don't think anyone in my family takes me seriously except for Brooke and Bri. I swear, no matter how many times I ask my mom to please stop inviting this abuser over, she still invites her. And on the off-chance that my mom doesn't invite her over, my dad does - without telling anybody.

To make things worse, this abuser has been invited to our big family get-together this weekend for Thanksgiving. Three whole f***ing days with this abuser staying in the same house as me. Forget sleeping, eating, and breathing. I'm going to be too focused on not having a full blown panic attack.

I cannot wait until I move out of this house.

And my T wonders why we don't progress in therapy. I'm not only living with an abuser, but I have to constantly see some of my other abusers on a regular basis.

I am seriously fed up with this crap.


  1. Don't blame you for wanting to move out. You are the one hurt and your mother is worried about how SHE (abuser) feels? Typical of a dysfunctional family - just like mine.

  2. Yes, I agree, and I'm not surprised you're fed up with this crap. Excuse me for saying this, but your mother has *no* clue. None. Just like mine. ((hugs))

  3. Wow... this is not healthy for you at all. Leave it to the holidays to throw us into more obligation. Screw putting on the happy face... I'd just leave!

  4. I'm so sorry, Bee! Is there any way your therapist could get it across to your mom about how damaging this is? I'm just so sorry--and angry at your mom. So not okay. I'd be keeping to myself in my room or wherever all weekend. Hugs!

  5. Hey. I just started following your blog. I'm so sorry for your parents not understanding and having to be around your trauma 24/7. I can't imagine the pain you suffer. Hold on strong through the holidays. You can make it, if you've made it this far, you can continue.
    Stay strong!
    Happy Thanksgiving

  6. Ivory,
    I agree. My mom, on the other hand, would say how un-dysfunctional our family is.

    She doesn't have a clue. I really wish she did, though.

    This is why I love and hate the holidays.

    I've told this to my therapist countless times. She has called my mom (per my request) to tell her not to invite certain people over but my mom still does it. Both my T and I have suggested to my parents that they go visit these people instead of inviting them over, but my parents don't want to do that. I think it is because they don't really want to be around these people but they feel bad if they don't invite them over for dinner every so often.

    Welcome! And thank you for the follow. I guess in a perfect world, parents would understand. Something to hope for.

  7. I hope you finally drew the boundary line
    with this instance. I know I'll read more
    in a minute but I am sick to my stomach
    for your unsolicited yet commanded
    acceptance of this situation. uhhhhhhhh.
    I'm sick for you. Your health is so important.
    Why would someone who "cares" for you
    put you in that position. That IS NOT LOVE.


  8. toB,

    I've drawn the line but they just walk right over it. I'm to the point of begging my T to call my mom and talk to her about it because I'm about to do some crazy things to get away from this situation. My mom and dad always find someway to put the blame on me and to make me feel guilty for trying to cut this person out of our family. It really sucks...

  9. I think you have to make it an issue - make it more unpleasant to have the abuse over than to not. Whenever someone is around that shouldn't be, you should stand up and loudly say, "I can't be here with this person anymore." And leave - just get away from them. At the least, the embarrassment of having you do this in front of the abuser might make your mother think twice about having the two of you in the same room. It is not at all unreasonable for you to refuse to 'play nice' in this situation.