Sunday, November 14, 2010

It Just...Hurts

I've been having a really rough time these past couple of months. Depression is hitting us like a ton of bricks. Pain levels are sky rocketing. I've been going to doctor's left and right. One wants to send me to a pain specialist. Another is contemplating surgery. They want to put me in braces. Why can't they just wrap me up in bubble wrap and send me on my way?

One of my abusers was over for dinner tonight. We kept having to leave the room to either throw up or cry because the abuser was so triggering. This particular abuser really makes me ill. They pretend like nothing is wrong - that their life is peachy perfect. That they "never did anything wrong". I think that is what makes them extra triggering.

You know why this abuser was over for dinner? Because my parents feel sorry for this person. ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME??!?!!?! Who the h*ll feels sorry for someone who f***ing abused their child! And not just once, several times over a period of 16 years!

I'm sorry, but that is just messed up.

It doesn't matter that I'm 22. My parents still won't listen to me. I tried to tell them back then, too. But they don't listen. They never listen.


  1. I'm sorry to hear that things aren't well at the moment.

    I can't imagine how awful it must be to have to have your abuser over at dinner. There is no reason for your parents to feel sorry for someone who has hurt you so badly for so long.


  2. I can relate to the stress of spending time with an abuser. I cannot break contact with one of the persons who abused me, yet every time I spend time with them, I have to "recuperate" for at least a day. I'm sorry you're having a hard time!

  3. OMG, Bee, I can't believe your parents are so insensitive! I so totally would have spent the whole time in my room, even though the other person had no right to be there in the first place. I'm so sorry! And all your dang pain! Living with fibromyalgia, I understand chronic pain but yours is definitely worse. Wish we could make it all better. I guess I don't understand what all your health issues are because I'm trying to figure out why braces. I know you have serious gastrointestinal issues. Well, no matter what, I'm just so sorry you're dealing with all of this.

    Lots of hugs, gentle ones!

  4. I am so sorry that your parents are like that. Their behavior makes me angry. I'm so sorry you had to deal with having an abuser in your home.

  5. *thud* (fainting)
    How did you get thru the evening?
    I think the closest I've had to come
    to being that close to an abuser is
    when I had to sit in my uncles "house"
    for an hour while my "parents" visited
    him. He hadn't abused me but had
    VIOLENTLY abused my sister. So much
    so that she put him in prison for many
    years. YET... my parents wanted to
    go see him while I was visiting from
    out of town. I've since drawn boundary
    lines for the people (parents) who raised
    me and I grew up with (other family members).
    I was physically sick.... My sister didn't
    talk to me for weeks.

    There is no excuse for either the abuse or
    the tolerance of the abusers.