Sunday, November 28, 2010

Dreaming the Nightmare I Wish Away

I am in my home. It is not my real home but my family is there and so is all of our stuff, so I assume it is home. My dad is arranging for all of us to make a trip to the prison, where three of my abusers are currently.

At first I am my present age of 22, but then I find myself going back to that scary place when I am a small girl. My dad is taking me to the prison to visit those three abusers.

I cannot speak, my throat is dry. There is panic flooding my entire body. I can't feel my legs.

We are in the waiting room. They call our names. The door opens to the visiting area and I am pushed through.

Fear has encompassed my entire being. I'm trying desperately to disappear. I can't face these men who hurt me so badly.

My insides are screaming but on the outside I am silent. The police officer leads me to a concrete room and closes the door behind me. From the corner, the three abusers emerge. I cannot breathe, I am so scared.

And then I wake up.


  1. "All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams." ... Elias Canetti

    Maybe you have reached a point in your life where you are about ready to deal with how you were abused compared to how everyone else might feel. Or maybe you're about ready to deal with the fear. They can't hurt you anymore, it's just a dream.

  2. Bee,
    Wishing you better dreams..hang in there <3

  3. Prayers for safe and pleasant dreams. That sounds very scary :(

  4. Thoughts are with you - hope those dreams never become a reality.

  5. Ugh, what a scary dream! Sending peaceful dreams your way.

  6. Ivory,
    I seemed to have reached a point where I am remembering so much while awake and while dreaming that I wonder how on earth I could have stored this much information and have not remembered the majority of it until now.

    Hope, Lily, Sarah, LM,
    Thank you :)

  7. I take a deep cleansing breath.
    I had a similar dream recently.
    I didn't sleep the rest of the night.

    grace and peace be unto you.