Saturday, November 6, 2010

Getting to Know "ME"

It has been an interesting couple of weeks regarding therapy.

For those of you who don't know, Oprah did a show back in the first week of October (I think around October 6th) on DID. She had a woman with DID on there and her daughter. They filmed her in a therapy session as different alters came out, and they also filmed her around her house and with her art. It was a very interesting show and I wish there was some way to get a copy of it.

Anyway, I bring that up because my T thought it would be a good idea to have my mom and I come to a session with T and watch this episode. We ended up doing this a little less than two weeks ago and it went surprisingly well. I think it overwhelmed my mom a little because she didn't ask me very many questions (and she usually asks A TON!).

At my next session with T, we talked about how that woman's personalities all knew the daughter and had relationships with her. My T suggested that I try doing that with my mom and my five sisters.

To be honest, I am scared to try this. There are several reasons why, but if I were to type them out then this post would be forever long and I don't want to make you read that much. So, a shortened version will have to do.

1. I'm afraid I will be out far less than I am now.
2. I'm afraid we will lose communication with each other, causing chaos.
3. I'm afraid of losing what little relationships I already have with my sisters.
4. I'm afraid they won't accept some of my splits.
5. I'm afraid that we will all become so individual from each other that we'll forget about each other again.

There are more, but those are my main concerns.

However, on the positive side I also see many benefits.

1. My sisters will get to know all of me, not just parts of me.
2. They will be able to identify when I am out, and when my splits are out.
3. I believe they can add to my healing and my splits healing by forming individual relationships with them.
4. The splits will be able to open up to more people and not just T.
5. We will be able to have a stronger bond as a whole, both inside the system and outside the system.

What I've decided upon with my Splits is that we will take baby steps. We have picked a few of us who will start out by introducing themselves and getting to know my sisters and my mom. The others can acknowledge who they are or can choose not to. We think this will be best to see how things go.

I have been talking to each of my sisters individually about what my T wants us to try and how things will go. I've only talked to three of my sisters and my mom, and all of their reactions were different...

Mom: O.K. Will you tell me who is out? Can you email me every night? Can you write up a list of their names and ages? Can you write up what they like and don't like? ....etc.... You get the picture...

Raena: I've always wanted to get to know them! Can we start now?

Brooke: This will be interesting, but let's give it a try. I already know a couple of them a little bit.

Renee: This is going to be really really hard. I don't want to sound selfish, but it is really hard for me to be around you when you aren't out. I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you, and I honestly don't want to know. I think this is going to be really hard but I'm willing to try. Maybe it will be better if we do this.

Very different responses but so far no one has objected to giving it a try. I just need to figure out how they can ask who is out or tell who is out without offending anybody. Any suggestions?


  1. Wow, I think Brooke is closest to my experience with my daughter. When I told her about "me", she said, "Oh, Mom! When do I get to meet them?" Then, as time went on, she realized that she's known most of them from the get-go - they all raised her. I didn't even realize that until my T was present with both of us and he told my daughter to call my alters by their names and she looked at him and said, "Why would I do that? I've called them all 'Mom' all my life! If it didn't offend them then, it won't offend them now!" And that was that. I'm glad your family is giving it a try. You'll be surprised at how much less stress you will feel.

  2. I am amazed at even the thought of this. I still have trouble talking about my parts with my husband of 24 years - who DOES know some of the parts! Mostly we just pretend it all doesn't exist.

  3. When I told my adult daughter about being DID, she pointed out that it made sense - she mentioned a couple of times when I just 'wasn't me', and asked for a cast list of who we were. That was pretty much her entire reaction.