Monday, November 15, 2010

One Big Hurricane, Not Waves...

For the past 5 days I have been having memory after memory after memory after memory hit me. Most of them I did not remember but I just know that they happened.

Is it possible to know they happened but not remember them until now?

I was supposed to have a session with my T today but once again she called and canceled. She is supposedly sick, which I get, but I really needed to see her today. These memories are killing me. And to top it all off, one of my abusers was over for dinner last night (see last post).

It was a really tough day at school. Both my mentor teacher and I were beat by 10am.

I feel very disconnected and dissociative today. I'm sorry if my thoughts are scattered and confusing...

I want to cry but I can't. I never cry.

I guess all those years of making myself not cry has made it so it is impossible to do so now.


  1. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this Bee. I've been there, hang in there, it gets easier.

  2. How are you feeling now, Bee? Hope the week has gotten better for you. Hugs!