Monday, June 21, 2010

The Outcome

I want to thank everyone who replied to my last post, whether by comments or e-mail. Both helped me tremendously.

I thought I should first start out by answering questions that I have been asked over the past few days.

1. How do you feel about your doctor, who is not a trained psychotherapist, a DID or trauma specialist, bringing religion into your healing process?
My doctor and I both have the same beliefs and both attend the same church, so for her to bring up religion in my healing process is okay for me. I think it is a good thing when it is used correctly. But because she was forcing me to do something I didn’t want to do, I didn’t like it at all. I also did not like that she assumed what DID was and that my trauma wasn’t “that bad”.

2. Do you believe that your DID can be "cured" by an exorcist?
No, I do not. I believe that evil spirits could be “cast out”, so to speak, but I do not think they can get rid of alters in the same way.

3. Are you comfortable with that?
Not at all. I am not comfortable with going to a person that says they will get rid of all my alters. I do not believe that DID works that way and I think it could do some real damage to a person.

4. Is there a name for [muscle testing]?
I’ve heard it called Muscle Testing, “O” Testing and Theta Healing.

5. How do the alters feel about this?
They are feeling very anxious, scared, being forced into something, frustrated, panicked, etc. What I have figured out over the past couple of years is that they will not do something that they do not want to do. So even if I had gone to the specialist, they wouldn’t have cooperated.

6. What do you think you will do?
I want to talk to my T first to see what she wants me to do. If I do not hear from her before my appointment then I will cancel it.

7. What's the "muscle test" is it like a lie detector thing?
Muscle testing (“O” testing or Theta Healing) is used to identify and use the programs within the subconscious mind that block a person from health. The subconscious mind is your entire body. Trained doctors use the method known as Muscle Testing or Kinesiology that ask the body questions that will be truthfully answered by your subconscious mind.
So how does it work? Whenever you say or think something that resonates as true with your subconscious mind, the electrical and magnetic fields around your body become stronger and it results in the muscles also becoming stronger. If you say or think something that is false, the opposite occurs. So because both the strength of the muscles and the strength of the field are proportionate, you can test the strength of the muscles to determine what is in the subconscious mind.
There are ways to muscle test yourself as well but I have found that it is hard to test yourself when you have DID… My doctor is trained in knowing when the muscle testing is working and when it isn’t so she is able to use other methods when needed.

8. Is your doctor trying to force you to go to this specialist?
She told me that she does not want me to come back in until I have done all the “necessary” sessions with this specialist, so in a way she is forcing me to do this if I want to seek further treatment from her.

9. Does your doctor use “muscle testing” for other things?
She uses it to see if my body can handle certain medications. She also used muscle testing to see which foods I can eat and the amount I can have in one day. I did not think it would work at first but once I went on the diet she put me on based off of the muscle testing results, I had never felt better and my ED was almost nonexistent after a few weeks. She is truly amazing, except after this last appointment I don’t know if I can fully trust her again.

My T finally called me back this morning. Apparently she had gone out of town and her phone did not have service. She kept apologizing that I couldn’t get a hold of her.

I told her what was going on. T could tell I was very freaked out and stressing about this appointment. She talked me through some things to calm me and the splits down and after she understood what was going on, she asked if she could call my mom to talk to her about it. My T and my mom talked for almost an hour and then my mom told me that T was going to call this specialist to see what exactly would take place during my appointment.

My T called back after her conversation with the specialist and told me that the specialist was not aware that I had DID and that she had never worked with someone with DID. Both my T and the specialist thought it was not good for me to come in. THANK GOODNESS!

T talked to me for a while trying to calm me down and talk through some more things. We talked about me having a meeting with the splits to see where to go from here. T is also going to call my doctor that recommended me to the specialist because T knows my doctor and wants to work with her to help me. My T thinks that my doctor doesn’t understand what DID is. My T also thinks that the doctor thought my DID was evil spirits living in my body instead of individuals who I created within my mind.

So hopefully everything will be all straightened out. I’m a little apprehensive about going back to my doctor but T says she wants to schedule all future appointments so she can be there with me to work through this. I thought that was extremely generous and so kind of her to do that for me. She has been amazing today and I am finally starting to feel much better. T said if this next appointment with my doctor does not work out for me then she says it would be good to look for someone else to go to.

Thank you all so much, again. This weekend has been very stressful for me and it was amazing to get so many responses.



  1. Dear Bee-
    Hi! I am so sorry you have been struggling so much and very relieved to hear that you are feeling calmer. I am going to read back a bit and catch up.
    I am thinking of you and sending you xoxo

  2. It sounds like your T is wonderful. I'm glad she was able to help you with this. Thanks for the update. I was worried about you.

  3. I was worried, too. Thank you so much for answering all of those questions. You sound so much more calm and that's good to hear (or read, I guess).


  4. Oh, how scary!!! I have been gone for a week and just read your last three posts. WOw! I would have been terrified listening to your doctor. I am glad that you have gotten in touch with your T and that she is being a good advocate for you. I would be hesitant to go back to that doctor as well. Your feelings are totally understandable. On another note, how is the illness? Are you still feeling sick? Did they find out what was causing it?

  5. Vicki - Thanks so much :) It's nice to know I'm being thought of!

    Sunshine - My T is wonderful! I am still so amazed that she is going to go with me to my next dr appointment.

    Lisa - You're welcome! And thank you :)

    Lothlorien- I am still feeling sick but definitely not as bad as I was on the new meds. They still don't know what is causing it but I hope to find that out at my next appointment.


  6. I am so glad to see that things are being resolved for you with this. scary when you cannot get hold of the one person who might be most helpful. Perhaps, those are the times when our faith is tested the most?

  7. OMGosh BEE!
    I did that muscle test.
    It said I am. eeks.

    what to do know?
    thinking here........
    Scared. my friend told
    me not to be scared if
    i found out i do have it.
    I'm still Scared.

    ((hug)) I need one of those.

  8. Anonymous,
    When I was first diagnosed, I had this instant feeling of "it's true. I have DID."

    I admit, I was very scared at first. I had no idea what DID really was. I researched it to no end, almost every day. I got books, I downloaded articles, I asked psychologists at the colleges, joined support groups online, etc. Now that I know more about DID from experience and my life, plus the research I have done, it is not so scary anymore. Sometimes though I will get scared because of a new unknown.

    I think that when you are scared or have fear towards something/one, it is because you don't understand it/them.

  9. true.
    I'm calmer now. I called my friend and
    we talk for 45 min last night. I've done
    the muscle test on many things since I
    found out it really works. Some amazing
    things are becoming very clear. I AM
    so completely intrigued by it all.

    thank you for taking the time to respond
    to my comments. You don't know how
    much that means to me!

    I am not alone.... ever. To a scaredie cat
    that is HUGE! :)


  10. That is so good to hear! Muscle testing really does work and it still amazes me, even though I have been doing it for about 2 1/2 years now.

    No problem! Thank you for taking the time to comment :)