Friday, June 18, 2010

Kinda Venting....

I have been so sick these past two weeks.

I have now missed 11 days of work in a row.

I finally got a hold of my doctor this afternoon and she managed to squeeze me in tomorrow.

I want to rip out my insides.

My T can't meet with me tomorrow because she has a job interview.
I really need to see my T.
But I'm trying to tell myself it will be okay.
When I don't think it will be.

I want to cry.
I want to sleep.
I want to scream.
I want to run.
I want this horrible, excruciating pain to go away.

I don't want to miss my 12th day of work tomorrow but I will have to to go to the doctor.

To top it all off, I had a memory come up today. One I have no memory of and yet it seems so familiar I want to puke. It was so horrifying, painful, nauseating, sickening. I keep praying that it isn't true. Because if it is, it means one of my sisters was also ritually abused like me. I don't even want to think about that possibility.

It is 4:50am. I have been up for about 68 hours now. The new sleeping meds are definitely not working.

I'm sorry this post wasn't very happy, but I am just really tired of being sick. I just wish someone could figure out what is going on with me....



  1. I'm so sorry Bee...I sure hope you do go to the doctor and then can get well soon.
    Im sorry about not being able to meet with your T too. I know how hard it is to need that support and not be able to have it.

  2. I hope the doctor can help you tomorrow. Positive thoughts sent your way.