Monday, September 27, 2010

It Hurts Too Much...

***Possibly Triggering***Possibly Triggering***

Eating is like a punishment.

Abuse I get at least three times a day.

No matter what I eat, it hurts like hell. I'm literally putting myself through hell because I have to eat to live.

I'm doing all I can to not be in so much pain but it doesn't matter. It always hurts like hell. I'm always sick. I'm always in pain. I'm always fighting this losing battle.

And when I don't eat, I finally start to feel better but then my body thinks I'm starving myself and it ends up making it worse when I do start eating again.

I can't handle this anymore.

It's too much!

It hurts too much....



  1. Hi Bee,
    Eating can be a problem. If you can get hold of a D.I.D. book - Colin Ross has one that I found very informative, it can tell you "who" is behind this control. I haven't read the book since the first time of DID therapy in the '90s. The more I know, the more difficult it will be for my psychologist to get through. Make sure you increase your vitamins, especially calcium. It was also suggested I add Shelled Hemp Seed to my food if possible. It is tiny little shelled seeds and they taste like nuts some what. It's for protein. Eating - I have little containers of small cut up food - carrots, cheese,cooked butternut squash ravioli, etc.,I can just eat one piece when I feel up to it.

  2. (((((((Bee))))))) So sorry! I have chronic health issues too but I can't really imagine what it must be like for you. Those of us who pray are praying for healing for you. I feel so bad for you!

  3. I think I need to explain or clarify this post...

    I am allergic to all food. You may ask, 'Um, how is that possible??!!' Good question. I'd like to know the answer too. It's a medical mystery at this point...

    There are some things that don't cause a very severe reaction - for example: Rice. I can eat Rice and it will give me a mild stomach ache, cause abdominal swelling, hives to appear on my arms, face and neck, and sometimes I will become nauseous and may throw up. But I can't just eat one cup of rice a day and call it good. I just can't function off of so little... So to eat more than a cup makes the allergic reaction more and more severe.

    Now imagine the amount of pain that one day of eating would cause me. Add another day. And another day. And another day. Pretty soon you have a week, a month, a year, etc. I'm basically having to cause myself this pain because I have to eat to live. And everyday the pain just keeps adding up...

    Crystall, I really do appreciate your comments and I know you are trying to help. You have no idea how I wish it could be that easy for me...

    LM, Thanks. That means a lot to me.

  4. That sounds really hard. I sure hope you can get that worked out. I offer you cyber hugs.

  5. Tough, tough times.
    Hang in there, girl.