Saturday, September 18, 2010

It's A Miracle

It's a miracle I'm even here - out right now. I was gone for a few days, maybe a week? I'm not sure. All I know is that I'm back and I don't want to be.

Why? I'm depressed - like deep, dark, down in the dirt depressed. I'm upset. I'm crying all the time. I don't know where I am half the time. Reality is so disjointed that I keep getting really dizzy and my internal reality seems foreign and far away. I'm in this really weird "between place" that I don't know how to get out of.

We've found two therapists close to my house. One has had 3 DID patients in the past (I don't know if she has any currently because she can't tell me that...). I am going in on Tuesday to interview her. We'll see how that goes... The other therapist has years and years of experience with trauma and PTSD. I don't know if she has experience with DID or dissociation but she was highly recommended from the coordinator I talked to and he said she would know how to help me. I haven't talked to that therapist at all yet, just researched her online. I'm hoping to get in touch with her this week to schedule an interview appointment.

I am severely struggling with this. I don't want to switch therapists. I like mine way too much and I am really scared to see how my splits will react. I know some of them will give me hell and I can't deal with that right now. I just want to get through my student teaching!

On a funnier note, I've been filling out paperwork for the different therapists and I keep running across the question that says, "Please mark/check all that apply: What feelings and thoughts have you had in the past week?" Below it lists several feelings and thoughts that would be interesting to the therapist. I however don't know if I should just put my feelings and thoughts down? Or include everybody's? After starring at it for over 10 minutes, I moved on and left it blank. What do you do when you're asked that question?

I also wanted to know what are some key things I should ask these new therapists when I'm interviewing them? I only have about 30 minutes with the first one so I don't want to waste my time with a bunch of nonsense questions.



  1. I am glad you have found some therapists to check out.

  2. I'm laughing about the "Please mark all that apply." Good question! I'd just write "Complicated, will explain in person." I have no idea what questions to ask *any* new therapist because I've never been in the position of getting to choose one like that. Good luck with the interview!