Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Disappearing Act

Yeah, it's coming...

Every year sometime in the beginning of September, I disappear. I don't know where I go. For two months I'm just gone. I come back somewhere towards the end of November. Every year without fail I'm just gone. Poof. Bye-bye. One or more of my splits take over for me and my body-life goes on but I am somewhere else.

My t first realized this last year, when I came back in November. My whole life I thought that there were only 10 months in a year. "There's 12?!?!" Yes...yes there is.

So September started today and I'm starting to wonder if I will disappear again. I don't know why I disappear and I don't know what triggers it, but happens anyway. Sometimes I wish I could find out somehow but part of me is scared to death. I don't know if I want to know. But what if I could prevent myself from disappearing?

I'm not sure what to do about it, except to just let what happens to happen. Maybe this will finally be the year I can actually experience October.



  1. Hope you don't think I'm being rude by asking this, but I am curious when you say that you thought there were 10 months in a year, whether you ever noticed the other two months when you looked at a calendar? I'm genuinely just curious.


  2. Could you make a request to whoever inside comes out at this time and see if they will write somewhere (keep a journal) for you? Would you like to get to know this part better to understand who, why, etc? It could be a learning opportunity for the whole system. Could also be a very scary prospect for you. Just something you could think about, discuss with your t and decide if you would like to give it a try or not.

  3. I don't know what it's like to have DID, but I imagine it must be fightening to lose two months each year like that. Hopefully you will remain here with us these coming months.

    Take care,

    Cassie x

  4. I agree with Lothlorien. Not only could it help you, it will be interesting for *us* to see what happens.

  5. XX,
    I don't think you are being rude, it is a very valid question. When I was younger I did notice the other two months in the calendar but I had no idea why they were there, because I had no concept of them. As I got older, I always wondered what those two months were but I didn't even think about the possibility that I might be the only one who never experienced them. It's hard to explain, really... Eventually I realized that something wasn't right but I didn't know what to do about it...

    That is a very good idea. I don't know if that part knows why though, I just know that is the only time they ever come out because that part is a lot like me. I would like to get to know them better. I don't even know their name. I will definitely bring it up with my t. I'm sure she would like the idea.

    It is frightening, especially as I get older. This year since I am student teaching, I really worry what might happen if I do disappear...

    Yes. I'm hoping this year I can get some more insight as to why it happens every year. It will be interesting to see what everyone here thinks about it.