I still cannot believe what transpired yesterday in my session with my T.
I went to the appointment, talked with her a little before we started, sat where I normally sat - all the usual things. Then my T sat down right in front of me and said, "I need to tell you something, but I don't want you to be offended or to take this the wrong way."
T: "Lately I feel like I haven't been doing enough for you. I feel like we have made no progress, or very little progress lately. With my other clients who do not have DID, I always know what to do next to progress so we are always working towards something. But with you, I have a hard time always knowing where to go next, because I'm dealing with 23 different people versus just one person."
Me: *trying so hard not to smile*
T: "I'm just.... so frustrated! I've been wracking my brain all week trying to figure out what to do. I've thought about helping you find a new therapist, but then I thought if you went to a new therapist then we would have to transfer everything over and make sure they understand where you are at and then they have to get to know you and the splits and that could take 6 - 12 months or more. That wouldn't be helping you progress either."
Me: *still trying so hard not to smile*
T: "I would even be very willing to meet with the new therapist and help her get started with you, but as I thought more about it I just don't know if that would be good for you. Obviously it would depend on the therapist. And then the thought came to me, what if I start meeting with the individual splits one by one and work with them to work through their stuff. That would be making progress. What do you think?
Me: *me thinking - I've wanted to try this all along!* "I think that would be very beneficial to me and the splits."
T: "The only thing is, it would be like seeing one person only twice a year."
Me: "I think we could make it work."
I'm not going to put the rest of the conversation, but basically she brought up ALL the concerns and more that I have been having for the past several months. And guess what? I didn't have to bring up anything at all!! I really feel that now we can start working toward something. We spent most of the session talking about what we can do to start working on progressing. Next week we will try one of the things we came up with.
Something that really made me feel special was the fact that she not only remembered that I disappear this time every year (and have an extremely hard time in general during these next couple of months), but she is having me e-mail her daily. I have to let her know who has been out and what emotions I am feeling, plus any other information I think is relevant to my triggers. She also wants to call me several times during the week to check up on me and she also told me that if things get really bad I can just call her and she will have me come right over. It doesn't matter what time of day or night, she will be there for me.
Wow. Can you say "I care about you, Bee." ? I definitely feel like my T and I are on the same page now.
I am still researching other therapists just in case, but I really feel like this is a new step towards some great progress and healing.