Kinda Venting....

I have been so sick these past two weeks.

I have now missed 11 days of work in a row.

I finally got a hold of my doctor this afternoon and she managed to squeeze me in tomorrow.

I want to rip out my insides.

My T can't meet with me tomorrow because she has a job interview.
I really need to see my T.
But I'm trying to tell myself it will be okay.
When I don't think it will be.

I want to cry.
I want to sleep.
I want to scream.
I want to run.
I want this horrible, excruciating pain to go away.

I don't want to miss my 12th day of work tomorrow but I will have to to go to the doctor.

To top it all off, I had a memory come up today. One I have no memory of and yet it seems so familiar I want to puke. It was so horrifying, painful, nauseating, sickening. I keep praying that it isn't true. Because if it is, it means one of my sisters was also ritually abused like me. I don't even want to think about that possibility.

It is 4:50am. I have been up for about 68 hours now. The new sleeping meds are definitely not working.

I'm sorry this post wasn't very happy, but I am just really tired of being sick. I just wish someone could figure out what is going on with me....

-Bee