Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Are You Watching Me?

I have this horribly sick feeling that someone has been following me.

This happened to me a couple years back when a past abuser of mine figured out where I had moved to go to college. For two weeks I had this exact same feeling... I felt like I was being stalked. I eventually told my roommate and she suggested we tell her uncle (who was a cop in that town). I ended up being right. He almost grabbed me in the parking lot after one of my night classes.

I really hope I am wrong this time though. I keep thinking I'm having a horrible nightmare but then I realize I'm awake.

Work was okay today. I worked on processing collections for the entire 8 hours. I was dissociating a lot, probably because I'm so freaked out. I'm still training the girl who will kind of take over my place when I leave in 2 weeks. She is a pain to train. She doesn't take any notes at all, so I'm constantly repeating myself. And then when I have her do something after I've taught her and showed her how to do it, she looks at me like I threw her in front of a train.

My boss keeps telling me "I can't believe you're leaving! You're too good... Make sure you train this girl to be YOU!" Hate to break it to you boss, but this girl is nothing like me... She never will be. I actually LIKE my job and this girl clearly hates it. I'm a perfectionist, she is not. I am a huge people-pleaser, and she could care less. This girl will not be able to do what I have done for this company the past year plus.

I'm thinking about calling my T and leaving her a message. She is out of town so she probably won't get back to me until she is home, but I'm hoping it will give me some comfort anyway...

I need to let all of my anxiety and energy build-up out. Maybe I could scream into my pillow for a good long hour or so. Yeah... that sounds good.



  1. It sounds like you really do have a lot going on right now after reading your recent posts. I've decided that you need to take some lessons from my cat:
    1.Eat like you've never eaten before, but just once per day
    2.Get some fresh air
    3.Clean your feet thoroughly
    4.Let yourself be scratched and massaged
    5.Flop when necessary on the nearest available furniture item or floor

    Well, my job here is done!

    I hope the rest of your week is boring and banal.