Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly...

The Good:

I finally finished a huge project at work that I started back in March of this year. I AM DONE!! It was the best feeling ever! They are throwing a party for me either tomorrow or Friday, so I'm excited :)

Also, remember when I had to take two (out of three) really big tests to qualify to be a teacher in this state? Well, I got my scores back for both of them.... and..... I PASSED!! YAY!! I take the third test this Saturday and if I pass it I will be fully qualified after my student teaching is done in December!

The Bad:

My T still hasn't called me... I have e-mailed her a couple of times and I called her once and left a voicemail. She hasn't responded to anything. I know she was out of town this weekend, and I am not sure when she is getting back, so that may be why she hasn't responded yet. But I still feel like I was just dumped along the side of the road...


I have been having panic attacks all day long for the past two days. Work is almost unbearable with these panic attacks, plus adding on the amount of pain I have been in. I still have not gotten a hold of my other doctor so I've been off all of my medications for about 2 - 3 weeks now. Not good. I'm also having nightmares - they are so bad that I am waking up screaming about every 5 - 10 minutes. And I remember each and every one of them. Practically every detail. I have been writing them down as I have them so I can show them to my T. I think they might be repressed memories. I really hope they aren't because they are horrible...

I am so tired and ready to just take a break from life.


  1. I'm so sorry you are having nightmares. Sleep is so hard sometimes.

    Congratulations on your tests. I know how hard those tests are.


  2. Congrats on your tests!! And for finishing that project - I know how much of a nightmare it was for you!

    I'm sorry you're still having nightmares :(


  3. Bee, congratulation on your test scores. What an awesome testimony to your focus in spite of everything else going on on your life now.
    And for the everything else...I offer you safe gentle hugs....

  4. Yeah for the GOOD!! Yeah for being so proud of yourself you deserve it!!

    Sweetie keep writing down those dreams. You can do this. I am so very sorry, so much of my memory came back in the dreams it was a blessing in the long run but so very hard to come to that realization. I am proud of you.
    Will you ask for a blessing?


  5. Congrats on the tests and project! Wow.. that is great news!
    Sorry to hear about the nightmares and panic attacks, it's not easy.. especially if you don't get the sleep you need. That sucks!

    I hope your t. calls soon!
    I hope you feel better x


  6. I am excited for you on the good news! I am a teacher right now. Actually I have just been substituting for the past 4 years, but I've taught kindergarten, 2nd, and 3rd grades. I also taught Special Education children with emotional/behavioral disorders. I still work with special ed a lot in my subbing. What do you want to teach?

    I hear your sadness over your T's lack of response. I would be sad too. Sending gentle hugs if that's ok.


  7. I noticed you haven't blogged in a couple of days and I'm hoping you're doing better now. Congrats on your art project. It sounds like it was a really big accomplishment. I hope your T. has called by now or you've had a chance to see her. It sounds like it was a really bad time for her to be out of the office.

    Sending you safe, appropriate hugs if you're able to accept them. {{{{Bee}}}}

  8. Thank you all for leaving me comments! It let's me know that there are people out there who understand. It means so much!