Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Crying, Kicking, Screaming, Punching...

I don't know what has happened over the past 40 some hours.

I know at least one of my splits took over and ate a bunch of crap I'm allergic to.

So I've been puking my brains out for two days now.

I didn't get to meet with my T on Friday because she decided to stay on vacation. She called me an hour before to cancel. I was not very happy...

She then e-mailed me in the middle of the night last night to tell me that she is leaving again and cannot make it to our appointment this Friday. I am not very happy at all...

Then, of course, I had intense body memories come up all of yesterday afternoon. At first I had no idea what was going on, and then I started receiving the full memory.

I'm not ready to write about it or talk about it yet, but I need to at least say that I had a memory come up. I now know why I cannot sleep on my back without having severe nightmares or panic attacks. No one should f*** a little kid. I am pissed beyond measure.

I would've really liked to have called my T yesterday or this morning, but she is on vacation. So I'm left by myself to float around in this horrifying world, hoping that I don't disappear again. But that sounds like a really good alternative right now.


  1. im sorry. i feel the exact same way right now.... wishing you moments of respite from your pain.

  2. I'm sorry you are having a hard time. My thoughts are with you.

  3. I'm sorry your therapist is on vacation and you are having a horrible experience. But you are not alone. I know it's not enough, but we're here thinking of you.

    Sending you big, SAFE hugs if you'll accept them. {{{{B}}}}

  4. Grace,
    I'm sorry you feel the same way right now :( It is no fun... Thank you for your comments.

    Thank you so much.

    When you respond, it's enough :) Thank you for the words of encouragement and the hugs.