Sunday, March 14, 2010

The Beehive

In my head there lives 27 different people. Their house looks like a dome and we call it "The Beehive".

I want to introduce you to them:

Kylee is the youngest of my alters, she is 5 years old. She is extremely smart and never ceases to amaze me with her intelligence. She is not like most 5 year old's. She doesn't talk much, and is hardly ever 'out'. She doesn't like dolls or dresses or other girly things. Sometimes I wish I could just take her into my arms and give her the love she so desperately needs. She is fluent in ASL (American Sign Language).

Gerew is 7 years old, and is one of the two male alters living in the Beehive. He is extremely shy but seems to charm anyone he is around. He likes to talk about bugs and trucks. His favorite thing to do is watch other little kids play, and wishing that he could join them.

Kate (Kaitlyn) is the one I call the "death child". When I first met her, she terrified me (and to tell the truth, sometimes she still does). She is one of the alter's who holds some of the darkest and evil memories from our past. Like Kylee, she is also very intelligent and she doesn't talk much. She is not allowed to be out unless we are alone and in a safe place, and she uses that time to vent her anger by blacking out blank white pages. She is 9 years old.

Allie (Allison) is my child-like alter. She is 10 years old, but she seems so much younger to me. Her innocence makes me want to cry. She loves to color. She loves dolls and dresses and other girly things. She gets very attached to people - which is hard for me to understand sometimes. She upsets easily which causes a lot of problems for the rest of us.

Presley is a newer alter, 11 years old. I don't know much about her yet, even though she has been around for about two years now. She is quiet but not shy.

Emily is 12 years old. She is mute and does not know English - she has her own made up language. I learned to read this language about 4 years ago, and she writes me notes to tell me things. She is Schizophrenic, which makes some of my days VERY interesting... Most of the time some of the older alters work with her to help her with her hallucinations. Usually, they don't affect me but I do occasionally see her hallucinations. I am able to tell they aren't real.

Hannah is my spiritual alter. She is 13 years old, and is basically in charge of my spiritual well being. She is also sort of the peacemaker among us.

Ariah (Queirriah - Quwee-ar-ee-uh) is the newest alter (surfaced about a year ago) and she is 13 years old. She speaks Chinese fluently, as well as English. When she first popped up, I heard this crazy high pitched sound coming from a girl inside my head speaking Chinese. Let me just tell you, that was one of the craziest things I have ever experienced with an alter! I was at work too! For the most part, she is extremely quiet and I am still trying to get to know her better.

Seri (Seriah - Sir-i-uh) is also 13 years old. She is one of the quiet alters who always has to know everything. She is hardly ever out, but she always seems to be aware of everything. I usually go to her when I have lost time.

Dawnee is 14 years old. She is a pill, in my opinion. Her attitude is that of a 14 year old girl, who thinks she knows everything. If I didn't know better, I would say her hormones were out of whack! She likes to pick fights with the other alters, especially Laura. She also likes to make up ridiculous stories to tell the more gullible alters. Like I said, she is a pill.

Kayle is my writer. She is 14 years old and very observant. She writes poetry, and some short stories. It is so beautiful to read and I am always so amazed by her talent. She is very soft spoken, and is always helping the other alters. I like to talk to her a lot - she doesn't seem like she is only 14. She also speaks German fluently, as well as English.

Kayla is 15 years old. She is in charge of food. Everything that goes into my body, she knows about. Since I am allergic to basically all foods, it is great having her around. I always know what goes in my body. She used to be anorexic back when we were in high school but she is doing much better now.

MaRae is my good news girl. She is also 15 years old and always seems to find the good in everything and everyone. She loves to go to church, so I often let her be out for that - or at least co-conscious. She is very social and likes to make people laugh.

Carsie is my school girl. She is 16 years old, but is definitely more mature than any 16 year old I have ever met. She keeps all my school things organized and is in charge of who can be out at school, etc. Ever since I put her in charge of this, I have done remarkably better in school.

Brie (Brienaly - Brynn-uh-lee) is also 16 years old and she is the brave one that is out for all of my doctor's appointments. For those that don't know me, I go to the doctor a lot and it terrifies me... So she is always right there with me whenever I go. She is always up to date on how I am doing physically and she gives regular updates to my therapist.

Haley is my "goth chic". She is 17 years old and loves the color black. One time I lost time while getting a haircut. Some of the other alters informed me - when I came back - that she almost shaved my head. For that reason, I have banned her from ever coming out again. We'll see if that actually works...

Carly is the social, outgoing, lovable butterfly! She is also 17 years old and loves life. She masks her pain by helping others around her and brightening their smiles. Most of my friends know me as having her personality - which I have no problem with!

Mandy (Amanda) is 17 as well. My therapist says that Mandy is the most like me and that she is the only alter she can't tell who is out because it could be me or her - if that makes sense. She mostly keeps to herself. Her favorite thing to do is document what the other alters are doing/saying. Everyday I find a typed out conversation between some of the other alters that she has recorded. I am grateful for that because the conversations are pretty funny!

Sara is 18 years old and she is one of the alters that feels all the pains I do. I feel terrible because I am in physical pain every day, and it is pretty severe. But she is always there for me and I am grateful for that.

Laura reminds me of Lorelai from Gilmore Girls. Funny, witty, charming, and great to be around. She is 19 years old. She has severe PTSD and so whenever memories surface, she usually has several panic attacks. I also suffer from PTSD so we usually have panic attacks together. She is the one voice in my head who can always make me laugh - and she ALWAYS has a comment for everything. So if you find me randomly laughing, you can bet it was from something Lor has said. She also picks a new word each week to teach to the alters and me.

Lynn is my spunky alter. She is 20 years old and never ceases to be a friend to all. She is so random that I can hardly keep up with her. She loves to spend time with the younger splits, especially Allie and Gerew. Lynn and Laura are best friends and they are quite a riot when they are together! She is also fluent in ASL.

Mallie is my musical alter. She is 21 years old. She plays the piano, violin and string bass. She writes her own music and it is amazing and simply beautiful. I also play the piano, but not as gracefully as she can. Most of the time we are co-conscious while playing the piano so I get to experience what she does. An interesting thing about her though, is that she doesn't feel pain. So when my physical pain gets unbearable, she takes over for me and lets me rest.

Brooke is my "ditsy" alter. She is 23 years old and literally has blond moments 24/7. My mom cannot stand her, which is very upsetting to me and I don't know why. Probably because Brooke is so nice and she doesn't give her a chance. I will admit that she is frustrating sometimes because she can be extremely clueless.

Janelle is 24 years old and is the smartest person I know. She has the most in depth conversations with people and I am always so lost. She is constantly reading and researching to learn all she can. For the most part, we get along fairly well.

Drake (Dracula - Dra-cool-uh) is 30 years old and is my other male alter. He is very kind and gentle and is hardly ever out. I don't know him very well even though he has been with me forever.

Tayela is the main alter, or "host" personality. She is 34 years old and has been with me since a few hours after I was born. She is my structure, my mediator, my rock. I do not know what I would do without her. She is in charge of organizing and making sure everyone is where they should be, doing what they should be doing. She is very responsible and reliable. I can depend on her to do what needs to be done.

Linda is like the mother to all of my alters, and sometimes even me. She is 47 years old and the wisdom to prove it. She is kind and gentle. Caring and loving. It is a comfort just to know that she is there.

These are the people I spend my days with and who have been there for me through it all. I owe my existence to them, because without them, I don't think I could have survived.


  1. These are wonderful people. I understand why you like them very much. I honor your bravery. ♥

  2. I'm glad you think so! Not many people know them... My therapist knows most of them pretty well and one of my best friends knows some of them, but most other people either don't know they exist or don't know them. Thank you for reading my blog!