I've been struggling the last few days. Usually I do quite well. I am able to go through life looking "normal" to others. I go to school, I have two jobs, I also have an internship. But there are days when my splits and I just have too many memories or emotions built up inside that seep over and I find myself swimming in the past.
I feel like being a multiple means you are always living in the past - in one form or another. And sometimes I feel there are only two options. Either you integrate everybody, or you have each split work through everything they are holding onto for you. I don't think it's that simple, though. Sometimes I wish it was.
Don't get me wrong, I love being unique. I love having 29 other people who are always there for me. We can do stuff together and I'm hardly ever bored. But like all relationships, you hit your rough patches. There are times when you just need a little space - maybe some time apart. Being a multiple, you can't just have "alone time" or a little space. You're stuck together.
Lately, I have been trying to figure out who I am. And I don't know what that means exactly. Do I find who I am, splits and all? Or is it just me? And who is just "me"? Am I really even my own person? I have always had at least a couple of splits around, even when I was a tiny little thing. So how do I find "me"?