I've been having a really rough couple of months because the dissociating has been so horrible for all of us lately. I haven't been able to figure out what is causing it to be so bad, but I think it may be the new medication I started in late February. I don't know what to do about it though... I can't just stop taking it because I am on so many different things and it may just be one of the meds. And they are actually helping me to get better and to feel better, and I am afraid that if I stop taking them then I won't feel too good. I don't know when I can get in to see the doctor again...hopefully soon.
Anyway, this song has been playing through my mind a lot the past two months and I wanted to share it...
The Motions by Matthew West
The Motions by Matthew West
This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life
I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"
No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life
'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"
Take me all the way (take me all the way)
Take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
Take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
Take me all the way
I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"
I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"
Take me all the way (take me all the way)
Take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)
Take me all the way (through the motions)
Take me all the way
I don't wanna go through the motions
Mornin'! I was looking over your posts the past several days and you seem calmer, but at the same time you're not sleeping, you're switching a lot, and dissociating. Do you know what's stirrin' up the pot?
ReplyDeleteWhen you say you are "going through the motions" it reminds me of my soccer-mom alter MomBot. When I'm losing it she takes over and does the cooking, cleaning, walks the dogs, and takes care of the kids. I usually "wake up" in the middle of eating a dinner I don't remember preparing.
There are three fairly important things going on in your life, I think. The semester is ending, your ex-best friend wants to talk about why she abruptly ended your friendship, and there is a man in your life. That all sounds triggering and perhaps stressful. I don't know if that's true, it just stands out to me.
I'm also sitting here writing at 4am because one of my new meds believes that sleeping is an option, not a necessity. It sucks. My psychiatrist said this may happen, and he also said he would give me a sleep aid if necessary, but I take so much crap already I don't want to add anymore. My liver might explode.
Well, may your Monday be the most awesome Monday ever and I hope you feel better soon.
Lisa
{{{{Bee}}}}
ReplyDeleteLisa,
ReplyDeleteOh I wish I knew what was "stirrin' up the pot"! I agree that those three things are triggering, but I don't think that is what is causing my dissociating and switching... The switching has been going on since the end of February and all of those three things are recent. I'm sorry you aren't sleeping either! Thank you for commenting, and I hope you had an awesome Monday as well!
MIS,
Thanks :) that means a lot.
-Bee
I love this song.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the actual words!
((hug))