I had my session with T today and I feel SO MUCH BETTER.
I guess the whole "integration at night" thing was a big misunderstanding.
The first thing I said when we started our session was how much I was against integration at night. We talked about it for a good 15 minutes and I still wasn't feeling comfortable with it. So I asked her to explain to me exactly what she was wanting me and my splits to try.
Apparently she didn't explain it well last week because it has nothing to do with integration at all. She said that she shouldn't have used the word "integration" because it clearly caused so much confusion, but she didn't know what else to call it.
She basically wants all of us (me and my splits) to designate a time we all settle down and fall asleep together. I know some of you suggested this to me in comments and in e-mails. She wants us to all sleep as a whole - not integrated, but as if we were all one person. And then when we wake up, we carry on like normal. It took me a while to finally understand what she was saying, but now I feel so much better about it. It is going to be hard and I will have to work at it with my splits, but I really hope it can be accomplished and actually work so I can sleep better.
We also talked about mixed messages between parents and their children. My parents send so many mixed messages to me and my sisters. I am constantly trying to figure out what my parents are saying and most of the time it just doesn't work. My T suggested that from now on, whenever my parents say a mixed message that I call them out on it by asking "what are you really saying?" It's funny how something to simple can totally change communication. I just hope it works.
We talked about some other things that I don't want to go into right now, but I did want to update all of you on the integration at night issue. I cannot express how much better I feel now that I have clarified it and understand what she was trying to say.
Today has been very eventful. I woke up at 5 am to go running and then went to see my T. Right after our session I headed to a small town (about 2.25 hours away) where I attended my first two years of college, to visit friends and go through a Mormon temple that was recently built there. I had a blast! I got to see and hang out with so many old friends which was just so good for me and my splits. It was also nice to have a road-trip with just me and the splits. We always have so much fun together when we take road-trips alone. And the temple was amazing! It was very beautiful on the inside and the outside. The artwork was pretty incredible. I spent the majority of the day down there in town with friends. I got to visit with my old biology teacher who is my all time favorite teacher - ever. He was so supportive of me and I was able to talk to him about things I was going through at the time I was taking his classes (I took four of his classes within two semesters). He is just so amazing and I have missed him since I moved back home! He was very happy to see me and it just totally made my day to be able to see him again. This whole trip was just so great. And it was completely spontaneous, which is SO not like me...but it was good for me anyway.
I feel like this post doesn't make much sense...Hopefully it does make sense and it just appears to not make sense because I am so wiped out from driving and running around everywhere.
I hope your week is going good so far!