Today has been pretty okay I guess. I woke up in less pain than the morning before, so that's good. I only got about 45 minutes of sleep, though, so I've been extremely exhausted.
I'm still switching like crazy, so my memory is shot and I have no clue if I've eaten today. I feel like I'm not even living right now. It's like I'm floating through different worlds, not really choosing to land in any of them but rather to see them pass by. It's a very surreal experience.
And I am currently fed up with my mom. She doesn't understand that I'm going through some really hard things right now. She is in her own world where everything is neat and perfect and nothing could possibly go wrong - and I am the perfect daughter who doesn't have DID or any history of abuse. I just want to say WAKE UP MOM! I freaking have DID and I was abused! A lot! Gosh, I wish she would just open her eyes and see what's in front of her!
So no, I haven't tried talking to her again... I really need to but I also feel like I need to be in the right mindset to talk to her. Right now things are too crazy and I don't even know what is going on inside of my head. I don't think the splits know either.
I have a really difficult project to complete that is due in two or three weeks. I don't even know where to start... I cannot wait until summer. Then I can focus on work and writing my novels. Just three more weeks. Just three more weeks...
-Bee*
Hey Bee,
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking about you alot this week. I had similar mom-drama. I struggled with it for about 2 years until I realized that my mom is never going to change and accept me for who I am. So I decided to just have a civil relationship with her. Kind of like detachment kind of thing. She is not allowed to contact my therapist or anyone in my circle. I set boundaries not just for her more for myself. I found that I was spending alot of time and energy hating her and I find it takes less energy to just be civil. It still makes sad at times that my mom doesnt really support me. But I guess its for the best. Hang in there.
Good luck with the rest of your semester. Its the home stretch now...or thats just what I am telling myself :)
Hope,
ReplyDeleteI am honored that you thought about me this week! That means a lot. I am still at the point where I am just fed up with her and mad all the time but I hope one day I can put that behind me. I need to set up those boundaries with her so I don't keep running into all of these problems with her. I'm definitely ready for the semester to be over! Good luck to you and thank you for your comments.
-Bee