Today was so crazy and stressful…
My parents are trying to sell our house because my dad doesn’t want to keep spending so much money on it when we could be living in something smaller. The splits just aren’t too happy about moving. Today we had to get it all “perfect” to show to some people and both my parents are so anal about everything that anything we did just wasn’t perfect enough. This made the splits and I feel completely worthless. I reached a point where I just didn’t want to help anymore, so I went in my room and studied for my final.
My mom ended up coming in my room and rearranging a whole bunch of things. I was totally freaking out in my mind but didn’t let it show because I couldn’t control what she was doing and I knew I could put it all back. I just HATE it when people move or touch my stuff without asking.
My final went really good. I feel confident in how I did. I don’t know when I will receive my score but I’m not worried about that. It is DONE and I am perfectly happy with that!
I saw T this morning. The session was just weird... My energy levels were low because I was feeling very nauseous and T had a headache. We first talked about the e-mail she sent me last week that had offended me. She told me that all she wanted to do was for the splits to work together to figure out what the heck is going on with me. I had gotten all worked up and offended over nothing… So we’re good now.
Then we talked about how the talk with my mom went – which went not so good. T wants me to try again this week... Joy. She then was asking how often I had been out, which was like nadda. T thinks the splits are fighting me for more time out which isn’t true. The splits want me to be out the majority of the time. It’s just the time of year that seems to really get to me and I am just having the hardest time staying out right now.
We also figured out today that I apparently have some type of eating disorder and major problems with food. T doesn’t know the cause of all of it yet. She thinks it may be the splits trying to protect me still. I am very confused about the whole thing, but she wants the splits to start figuring it out. We’ll see how that actually goes... I guess when I was anorexic at 14 and 15, it never really left me. News to me! But I can see how my health problems could totally stem from all of that. I have always had problems with eating and food since I was really little, because of allergies and just weird reactions, plus all the abuse centered around food. I don’t know...
Does anybody else with DID have major food issues that you have found and have worked through? Any suggestions? I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense… I’m not sure I fully understand it right now.
My three classes tonight just didn’t go very well... I had to do a presentation on a chapter and the switching going on was just crazy. One minute I would be out and then the next moment I would be mid sentence and then I would come out again and I was talking about something else and wow, I was so out of it and so confused. It was really bad… I hope it wasn’t as crazy sounding to my classmates. I don’t even know what was going on… Today has just been really sucky I guess...