Friday, April 30, 2010


When I was younger, I was obsessed with Tetherball. You know, the ball that is tethered to a pole that is in the ground? You play against one other person and both of you try to be the first one to get the ball wrapped around the pole in your favor - meaning you win the game. I was a master at this game. No one ever beat me - no one could. All the other kids would challenge me but I always won. All the teachers challenged me but I always won. You're probably thinking, "Oh, they just went easy on you Bee!" Not so. They went easy at first until they saw how good I was, and then they put all they had into the game. But they still lost.

For years, I would practice tetherball every day after school, on weekends, on holidays, on school breaks, at night, before school. Pretty much every waking moment I wasn't required to be somewhere else or be doing something else. But I hardly ever practiced with someone else. I would play with one of my splits - whoever wanted to at the time. I would play and then we would switch and they would play and then I would switch and I would play, etc. At the time, I didn't know what I was doing - switching with my splits. I just thought it was a game that I had come up with.

On vacations I wouldn't have access to a tetherball so I would make them. I would use a long stick and bring a ball tied to a string. In my room I had a four-poster twin bed and I would unscrew one of the bed poles and tie my string with a ball on the end to the other bed pole and practice in my room. I was obsessed.

Why am I telling you this? I'm not exactly sure... I just felt like I needed to.

I think this was one of the ways I survived when I was younger. I wasn't a very social child because I was so broken and afraid. I preferred to play alone, to be alone. I used my imagination to create other worlds and other people who loved me, accepted me, and who didn't hurt me. Must be why I am writing so many books at the moment...Gotta catch up in writing what I've already thought of!

Ahhh...anyway. Today has been a little better. I love the new girl at work. She is SO much better than the gal she replaced.

Still worried about the "integrating at night" thing. I really need to e-mail my T about it...


1 comment:

  1. Sounds like playing tetherball was a good coping mechanism for you.

    As for the sleeping thing, I used to have big problems with falling asleep. Then I got hypnotized at a show. The interesting thing was going under helped me learn to fall asleep.

    They say that multiples are susceptible to hypnosis and that dissociation is even a form of self hypnosis. All I know if once I "saw" how it was done, I could easily put myself to sleep.

    Mostly it was a matter of getting all my parts for focus on one thing. Funny, for lots of years that focus was building my dream house complete with decorating my mind of course. Once everyone joined in thinking about how wonderful that house would to sleep. Probably weird but it sure works for me.